Feel Different

He. Eheh… Um… So, while surfing my own webpages on the internet (someone has to), I came across this journal entry from Deviant Art. … Yeah, this was the year I graduated highschool… Hey, we all make bad decisions as teens, mine were just… Slightly more inner hateful than most…

“April 15, 2011,

It doesn’t cut. I tried and I tried, but it never cuts. I want to feel it, see it, taste it, but it never cuts.

I want to make it cut, stab it, destroy it, rip it to pieces. But, it never works for me. Why does it never work for me?

I couldn’t kill myself if I wanted to, I could hurt myself if I wanted to, I couldn’t become sick if I wanted to, I couldn’t even puke if I wanted to.

But, I want to, I so want to. I want to feel the pain, the sorrow. Being stuck in the normality is worse than being beaten, worse than dying, worse than rape, worse than torn families, worse than broken bones, torn clothes, homelessness, poverty.

… Because, when everyone else has something bad to talk about, you could never understand them, you’re just too normal.

Listening to: The screaming pain of you complaining
Reading: Your eulogy
Watching: You burn
Playing: With your mind
Eating: Your sorrow
Drinking: Tea


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